How parents can support their children in choosing a career without influencing them

Choosing a career is more than just filling out a form. It is a step into adulthood, and that is precisely what makes it so exciting – because as a parent, you want to help, but you don't want to push. You want to guide, but not override. There is a fine line between giving advice and putting pressure on your child, and sometimes a single sentence is enough to make them feel ignored. But there are ways you can be there for them – not as the decision-maker, but as a source of support.

Listen instead of anticipating

When it comes to our children's future, many people have something to say. But support starts with active listening, not correcting or categorising. Ask your child: What interests you? What comes easily to you? What stresses you out? And then: Let them answer without immediately commenting. People who feel heard think more freely. Those who are constantly being judged withdraw. Trust begins when parents give their children space – not just advice.

Classify your own experiences

It is natural that you want to protect your child. From detours and disappointments. Sometimes you also feel the need to share what you have already experienced yourself. This is understandable – but depending on the extent, it can also be unhelpful. Because your path is not always necessarily the same as your child's. Feel free to share your experiences, but as a story, not as instructions or expectations. Say, ‘That's how it was for me,’ not ‘Do it better.’ This will lead to an open conversation, not a comparison.

Questions instead of guidelines

‘What do you want to do when you grow up?’ is a difficult question. It's better to ask smaller questions, such as ‘What did you like about this school project? What do you find exciting about this topic? Who do you enjoy working with?’ These questions help your child to observe themselves instead of immediately thinking about roles. The more your child knows about themselves, the clearer the next step will be.

Provide guidance – don't dictate

It's good to suggest ideas, share information and bring other people from your circle into the picture. But ask yourself at every step: am I helping or directing? Instead of saying, ‘That would be perfect for you,’ say, ‘If you want, we can look into it together.’ Supporting does not mean pointing the way; it means walking alongside without pulling.

Perhaps your child does not yet know what they want. Perhaps they will change their mind. Perhaps they will take detours. None of this is failure; it is growth. Show that you can handle it. That you are there, even when there is no plan. Children do not need parents who know everything. They need parents who can persevere when things are not yet clear.

Discover together – don't decide alone

Sometimes it helps to look outside. Visit a career fair, an information event at a university or open days at training companies together. Events such as talendo's Maturierenden-Messen  also provide a great overview of degree programmes, career fields and many other options after leaving school. This shows that you are interested but not decisive. You are involved but also leave room for flexibility. And sometimes this shared experience is exactly what it takes to get your child started.

Closeness arises when you let go

Choosing a career is not a goal you achieve for your child. It is a path your child must walk themselves – with your support, of course. You are not just a mother or father. You are a listener and a source of support, and that is enough.